31 Lines That Should Never Be Used On Lily Evans
by emblah01
Summary: "N.B.: These lines will result in injury, mental scaring, a bludgeon to the ego, hexing, cursing, jinxing, various illnesses, turning up in odd places (such as Australia or Canada), etc. if ever used on Lily Evans. DO NOT ATTEMPT THEM UNLESS YOU WANT TO DIE!" A list of pick-lines James has use don Lily in the past. Oneshot. Rated T for sexual references. Review please!


**I was bored and this idea just randomly popped into my head. Some of these I've made up and some are from the interweb. Anyway, enjoy!**

**Rated: T (sexual references)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. That would be J. K.'s magnificent masterpiece.**

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**31 Lines That Should Never Be Used On Lily Evans**

**A List Composed By James Potter (the Awesome One) _[Actually that would be me]_ (Sod off, Padfoot!)**

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1. Hey, Evans! Are you a Hufflepuff, 'cause I think I just FOUND the one for me! (Pick-up lines won't work on me Potter.)

2. Guuuurl…! You just STUPEFIED me with your beauty! (Potter, please move. I'm late for Potions.)

3. Have I died and gone to heaven? Or are you just my own personal angel?

4. Have you heard of Platform 9 ¾? Because I know of something with the exact same measurements. (You disgust me.)

5. If you were a dementor, I'd become a criminal to get your kiss. (Pathetic.)

6. Ain't nobody got anything on those Bludgers, right there. _SLAP!_

7. You just gave me a huge engorment, I swear. (Then go snog Peter if you're so desperate.)

8. C'mon, aren't Gryffindors supposed to be brave and take risks? (There's a difference between taking risks and being stupid. Going out with you, James Potter, falls into the 'being stupid' category.)

9. My love for you burns like a dying phoenix! (Stuff it.)

10. Hagrid's not the only giant on campus, if you know what I mean.

11. Wanna head to the Shrieking Shack? We could do some shrieking of our own. (POTTER! I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU JUST SPILLED INK ALL OVER MY CHARMS ESSAY! THAT TOOK ME THREE HOURS TO WRITE!)

12. Nice pants. Mind if I Slytherin? (Sure, when you find a way for electricity to work in Hogwarts.)

13. I _must_ have had some Felix Felicis, because I'm feeling lucky! (Oh, go drown in a toilet, you prat!)

14. Your smile is like _expelliarmus_: Simple but disarming!

15._ Accio boobies!_

16. Our love is as deep and vast as the Black Lake! (Seriously?)

17. If I were a Seeker and you were a Snitch, would you let me catch you? (Potter, we are in the middle of Transfiguration. At least save your crap for when I'm not trying to learn!)

18. The girls call me Aguamenti: Every time they hear my name, they get wet. (Excuse me while I gag.)

19. So about tonight, Evans, I thinking maybe- OW!

20. Lily Flower! Oh, Lily Flower! Where fore art thou, my Lily Flower? (Potter, will you please shut up and get off of the table! People are starting to stare.)

21. L is for the way you look at me! O is for the only one I see! E is very, very extraordinary! LOVE WAS MADE FOR ME AND YOU! (Potter, I thought you were trying to seduce me, not deafen me.)

22. Do you like wizarding bands? Because you're making me feel _weird_, sister! (No. Just, no.)

23. I think I just turned in Remus, because you make me feel moony! (That doesn't even make sense!)

24. Did you slip some Firewhiskey into my drink, or are you getting hotter?

25. Did you know that Godric Gryffindor and I have something in common? We both have impressive swords. (And how on earth do you know this?!)

26. If beauty were a time, you'd be eternity.

27. Are you a magician? Because Abraca-DAYUM! (I'm actually a witch. Hence the fact that I go to _Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry._ Duh.)

28. Hey… Didn't I see your name in the dictionary under _Shazaaam!_ (Do you even know what a dictionary is?)

29. Hey, Evans, I need some help! (What now, Potter?) I need some directions. (To?) Your heart- OW!

30. On a scale of 1 to 10, you're a nine. (Not now, Potter.) I'm the 1 you need.

31. Hey! Evans! I couldn't think of an adjective awesome enough to describe you, so I invented one myself: You be supermegafoxyawesomehot!

N.B.: These lines will result in injury, mental scaring, a bludgeon to the ego, hexing, cursing, jinxing, various illnesses, turning up in odd places (such as Australia or Canada), etc. if ever used on Lily Evans. DO NOT ATTEMPT THEM UNLESS YOU WANT TO DIE!

/

Lily slipped the paper into her pocket, a small smile finding its way onto her lips. Her glossy red hair trailed behind her as she flew down the stairs from her bedroom into the kitchen.

"James?" she called, her voice echoing throughout the to-be-unpacked household.

A taller man with unruly black hair pocked his head into the quaint little room. "Yes, love?" he asked.

"Look what I found," Lily said with an evil grin and held up the paper.

He read the title and James' eyes widened in shock. "What on…" He took a look at it and let out a groan. "Oh no…! Where did you find this? I thought I burned all of these!"

"I found it in a box of stuff labeled 'To Lily-Flower'. Care to explain?" Lily tried to bite back to amused smile forming on her lips due to James' discomfort.

"I was making notes for myself… You know, so I wouldn't use the same lines twice." He shrugged, trying to seem nonchalant, but his flushed cheeks and the fact that he wouldn't meet her eyes gave away his emabarassment. "I was going to give them to you to have a laugh, but I decided not to because, well, you read the paper!" He crossed his arms over his chest in a huff.

Lily bit her bottom lip and placed her hands on his chest. She placed her lips close to his ear and whispered, "Nice pants, by the way. Mind if I Slytherin?"

James glared at her. "Damn you, Evans."

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**So, yeah... which one was your favourite. I, personally, like 15 the best. ;)**

**Anyway, please review!**

**-Lou**


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